Cruise Control Freak


For a long time, I existed in some netherregion between control freak and cruise control. I've spent the better part of the last year shedding both of those qualities. Or at least learning how to leverage them in a way that doesn't induce an aneurism.

If I believed in types, I'd be Type A. Not in the anal-retentive-overly-organized way but, mostly, in the time-urgent way. While I hate making *plans* I like considering all my options then hurry-up-i-gotta-do-stuff-now-go.

At least, I thought I was considering all my options. Imagine my surprise when I realized that I truly had no interest in becoming a physician in the modern iteration of physicianhood. What should i do? Certainly, I am a trained scientist. Ther was that. Or I could write. I could work in healthcare in some other capacity. I had a moment, forced by sheer frustration, where I realized I had never stopped to let myself really day dream about what I should be when I grew up...or even what I should be doing next Tuesday. I was on cruise control; I had turned my brain off of a (vast majority) of possibility. In retrospect, this was because it was too daunting a task for me to consider everything. So I subconsciously shepherded myself to a finite list of things.

Why do you care? Because if you're not happy, chances are you might be doing the same thing. I had the true pleasure of having a good group of friends who actually trust my advice. Maybe it's the spectre of political and social unrest, maybe it's the change of seasons, maybe they've been un(der)-employed for a while but it seems that, lately, the people around me are getting antsy.

Some thoughts: 

  1. What's stopping you? This isn't some flippant, dismissive, fuck-all-do-what-you-want sentiment. It's just that sometimes, people don't realize how little is stopping them from doing something different. Sometimes, it's just good, old-fashioned self-sabotage.

  2. Constant thought and questioning is a beautiful thing but it is ultimately useless if you bring a lot of preconceived notion to a discussion. Don't be too much of a control freak to entertain a new set of possibilities at any and all times necessary.

  3. The only way to uncover your abilities is to fucking test them. Try things. Lots and lots of things. You will not be good at everything. You will try things and suck. You will try things and suck and then get better. Things will stick and the rest of the bullshit will cease to matter. But if you never ask the question, "What if I...." Whether it's between you and anothe person or some idea you bounce off of your cat/dog/hamster at 3 a.m. when you can't sleep, these conversations need to happen with a sense of nearly unlimited possibility. [Sorry 5'4" dude, you probably can't be an NBA point guard...unless you can jump. Really high.] You'll probably look like an idiot a couple times. It's worth it.

  4. You might not end up where you imagine, but I'm pretty sure that as long as heroin isn't involved, you'll end up where you're meant to be. Even if it's a surprise to everyone including you, it'll be a wonderful. fucking. surprise.*

At the risk of being an asshole, I am going to quote Ayn Rand:

The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.

Now go make something cool and report back.



These Days. 


Once in a while, I lose all my energy and today is one of those days.

Occasionally, I miss a simpler version of life that I used to have and today is one of those days.

Once in a while, I wish I could just. settle. in. and today is one of those days.

I haven't picked things that are clear-cut, easy, or even defined. Some days, I wish I had.

And, today is one of those days.

But if all I have to do is trade a day like this for 10,000 full of yawning boredom. So be it.

[Forcing myself to take a day off.]

Week In Review: Running, You Badass.  

Hallelujah it's friday! Is that more or less meaningful because I work for myself? I did a lot of running, a little running around and a ton of work(-like things).


Other wonderous internet jewels?

My ADHD and a really big web design project have overwhelmed me this week. A lot of really nuts things have happened in the world lately, though. Go read the news and report back.


The Opensky Giveaway Winner Is...

I used a random number generator to pick a comment and the second comment belongs to Sweetie.

Send me your address!

Congrats and thanks to Opensky for donating this prize.


4 Ways to Be More Attractive...Now. 

This house gets a lot of magazines.

Between my reading addiction, my cousin and her used-to-live-in-boyfriends' subscriptions, we have a table full of everything from Shape to W to...Horse.*

I read something like 300 pages of material a day. If something is in front of me, it will get read.** So I've made my way through about a year of some of the fitness mags here.

Generally, these magazines claim to be about health and feeling good. But from all I can see, it's just more of the same.

I know I'm not the first one making this observation (duh), but I've been working in media since 2007--I even had a job in med school because, apparently, I hate free time--and it gets frustrating how many ways the same message can be re-packaged.

I could give you a hundred examples just from the magazines sitting on the coffee table, but you've all seen it. So I'll spare you (...but HOLY HELL, photoshopped Kelly Bensimon photoshoot. WTF?!).



I start to think that fashion magazines are less innocuous than some of the fitness and health mags simply because they don't *pretend* to be about health when they're really just about ways you can lose weight and things you can buy. There's less of a charade.

Instead of a glossy cover, I have a blog.

And instead of trying to change the way you look, I think I can change the way you feel. Here are some ways to feel more attractive now.

  1. Believe in your value: If you think you suck, there is no diet, no beauty secret, no relationship that will make you feel better. You have to honestly believe in your own value before anyone else will. You can do this by refusing to degrade yourself. You can also do this by valuing health over your appearance...Your appearance follows health, trust me on this.

  2. Attractive is an attitude: Speaking of your appearance, people might be initially drawn to the way you look, but people who only like the way you look make bad company. Instead, do the things you love to do and the people who will love you will be there waiting to find you there. It works. I promise there are people who will love you because you're you. And, being around these people will make you feel happier and more attractive. Go find them. Forget the other bullshit.

  3. Be nice (dammit): I used to make fun of Giuliana Rancic a lot. Even though I wish she wouldn't give "advice" about being healthy when her diet/exercise plan were *clearly* not, I realized it's not really her fault that she had issues with her body. Anyway, my point is this: sometimes if you're feeling bad, the best way to turn it around is to say or do something nice for someone else. Try it today. It's free and you don't need to lose 10 lbs before you can do it.

  4. Smile: Maybe I could have filed this under Item 2 up there, but I think it deserves it's own thing. True, that vampire dude in Twilight got a lot of play out of his broody face, and his girlfriend wrote the book on sulking and pouting but, in real life, you will feel better about yourself and be more attractive to thers if you just f*cking smile. Have nothing to smile about? Have you ever HEARD of the internet? Here you go. You're welcome.

So, while I think everyone should probably try their best to be healthy and exercise, you do not need to wait to feel more attractive. You do not need to "save" it for "when" you lose weight, get better clothes, or...anything.

Just start.

*Yes, there is a magazines called Horse. No, it's not a gay porn publication. Yes, we own horses AND live in LA. Whatever, they're noble creatures.

**Except for those nephrology case studies. Oops. Sorry, Dr. Ardolino.